I can remember the smell of that gym....feel the humidity on my skin......my heart either has stopped or has pumped sooo hard out of my chest that I'm freaking out! The smell in the air was like a new polished gym floor with a mixture of an older building that has had some history take place in it. As my dad and I are making our way thru the lobby entrance I see some of the girls turn and look at me. Maybe they could hear my heart beating that loud...I don't know. We made our way to the entrance of the gym and everyone was at the other end. To the right of the entrance was stairs leading to the upper part of the gym. My dad told me he would sit there for a bit and told me to join the group. I am sure I gave him a look like you are crazy! I looked at him....took a second...and turned to my left with my water bottle in hand walked towards the group.
I can't recall if I walked really fast to the group or slow. But somehow I got there.....don't really remember. As I was about half way there the head coach and I made eye contact....I lost my stomach...it just sank! Once he looked up at me the majority of the girls turned around to see what he was looking at....it was me....the new kid. I did one of those "Hhhheeyyyy" kinda smiles that are fake. Very awkward moment. Once I got to the back of the group....I started to sit down to join them....and mid-sit....they got up and everyone got on the baseline to start off the drills.
I jogged to the baseline with the rest of the girls...put my water bottle on the stage and got my spot in line. No one said hi to me...they did those look you up and down then smile looks. It was great...from like 25 girls or more. Big motivating moment there! I felt like the size of ant compared to these girls with my confidence and being new. I tried not to show it, but I am sure I couldn't hide all of it. Anyways, they numbered us off for different stations. I can't remember what number I was but I know that I was at the basket to the right if you are facing opposite of the stage.
At this station we were working on a pump fake then a shot. Pretty easy. I had done tons and tons of pump fakes by this point in my career. The coach at our station is talking but I'm not really listening because I have all these thoughts running thru my head. The biggest thought was "What are they thinking about me?" All my focus was on myself and my inner emotions. The President of the United States could have walked right in front of me and I would have not noticed. We finally get to my turn to do the fake. So I do what everyone else did, but I get stopped and told to try it again. The coach corrected me on something, but again I couldn't tell you what that was because now I am already getting criticized after arriving late on my first day. I was ready to just cry....just cry cry cry cry. She got done speaking and I tried again......apparently I didn't do it right again. She got down to my level which was probably 5'3 and she was I bet 5'10.....got in my face and started yelling at me. Yes yelling! That was my breaking point. I put the ball on the gym floor and walked out the side door by the stage and started balling my eyes out. I was doing that cry where you try to talk and breathe at the same time....yeah that bad. I was upset that I was in a new enviroment....that we ended up being late....and top it off getting yelled at the first time I touch a ball in front of them. My dad was still sitting on the stairs at this point.
As I was out there...the girl who I shadowed the day I visited came out to talk to me. That was very nice of her. She calmed me down a little. We just talked. After about twenty minutes of talking and calming down I got the courage to go back in. My dad had left and I had missed all of the stations. I didn't look at anyone when I came back in, but I could feel a hundred eyes on me. I have had bad days in my life.....but this is in the top three. In my next blog I am going to talk about how everything could have been handled different. I am a coach and I will express how I would have handled the whole situation had I been in charge.
Life goes on....but in those moments....it seems like your life is an eternity!
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